The Identity Trap

Books Referenced

What got you here won’t get you there - Marshall Goldsmith

Growing as a leader means evolving your identity, and not just your skills.

When leaders get stuck at a certain managerial level, it is often because their identity holds them back.

Most leaders are trapped by their resume. They lead from their past accomplishments, their current skillset, and their existing strengths.

They think, "I'm good at X, so I should keep doing X." Or, "I've always been this kind of leader, so that's who I am."

But there's a problem with that thinking. it keeps you stuck exactly where you are. It keeps you in your comfort zone, which is where growth goes to die.

If you want to grow as a leader, you can't lead from who you are today.

You have to lead from who want to become.

The Leadership Gap

I see this pattern all the time with the leaders I coach.

A manager gets promoted to director. Suddenly, the skills that got them promoted, being hands-on, solving problems, being the smartest person in the room, are the exact things holding them back.

They need to delegate more, think strategically, develop other leaders.

But they don't. Why?

Because they're still leading from their old identity. They're still "the problem solver" or "the expert."

Their current identity is misaligned with their future role.

And this misalignment creates friction, stress, and stagnation.

Here's another example:

A manager avoids giving critical feedback because "that's just not who I am." They tell themselves, "I'm the supportive leader. I'm the one people come to when they need encouragement."

But what they really mean is, "I'm uncomfortable with conflict, so I've built an identity around avoiding it."

That identity, "the nice leader," is keeping them from becoming the leader their team actually needs.

The leader who can be supportive AND hold people accountable.

The leader who can be kind AND direct.

That's the leader they need to become. But they're stuck being the leader they are.

Your Current Skillset is Overrated

Let me be blunt: Your current skillset matters less than you think.

I know that sounds harsh, especially if you've spent years building expertise. But hear me out.

Your current skillset got you to where you are now, but as Marshall Goldsmith writes, “what got you here won’t get you there.”

Of course you can learn new skills. You can learn to give feedback. You can learn to have difficult conversations. You can learn to think strategically.

What's harder to change?

Your identity. The story you tell yourself about who you are as a leader.

Because that story dictates everything: what you avoid, what you prioritize, what risks you take, and what conversations you delay.

If you see yourself as "the doer," you'll struggle to delegate.

If you see yourself as "the nice one," you'll struggle to set boundaries.

If you see yourself as "the technical expert," you'll struggle to let go of the details.

Your identity creates a cage. And most leaders don't even realize they're in it.

I'll give you a personal example.

When I first became a manager, I was great at talking to customers. I could solve their problems, save the day, play the hero.

But I avoided coaching my team. I didn't know how to pass those skills along, so I just did everything myself.

I was stuck in the identity of "the guy who fixes things."

And that identity kept me from becoming the leader I needed to be. The one who develops others instead of doing it all himself.

It wasn't a skill problem. I had the skills. It was an identity problem.

I was leading from who I was, not who I needed to become.

The Leader You're Becoming

So how do you break out of this?

You have to start leading from your future identity, not your current one.

This is not "fake it till you make it." Because there is no faking…

This is embodiment. It is about stepping into the thoughts, actions, and behaviors of the leader you're becoming, and testing that identity in real time.

Here's how it works:

Step 1: Get Clear on Who You Need to Become

Ask yourself: What kind of leader does my role actually require?

Not what kind of leader are you comfortable being. Not what kind of leader you've always been.

What kind of leader do you need to become to be effective in this role?

If you're a VP, maybe you need to become a strategic thinker who empowers others.

If you're a manager, maybe you need to become someone who can hold people accountable without being a jerk.

If you're a founder, maybe you need to become someone who can delegate and let go of control.

Get specific. Write it down.

Step 2: Identify the Gap

Now look at who you are today versus who you need to become.

What's the gap? Where is your current identity misaligned with your future identity?

Maybe you're conflict-averse, but you need to become someone who addresses issues directly.

Maybe you're a perfectionist, but you need to become someone who trusts your team to figure things out.

Maybe you're risk-averse, but you need to become someone who makes bold decisions with incomplete information.

Name the gap. Don't judge it. Just see it clearly and label it. Once we name things, we give ourselves the power to change.

Step 3: Step Into the Role

Here's where embodiment comes in.

Instead of waiting until you "feel ready" or "have the skills," you step into the identity of the leader you're becoming.

You ask yourself: How would that version of me handle this situation?

If I were the kind of leader who gives direct feedback, what would I say right now?

If I were the kind of leader who delegates well, what would I do differently in this meeting?

If I were the kind of leader who sets boundaries, how would I respond to this request?

You're not pretending. You're not faking it.

You're trying on a new identity to see how it fits. You're test-driving a future version of yourself.

And here's what happens:

You take action from that identity. You have the conversation. You set the boundary. You delegate the task.

And that action creates evidence.

Evidence that you can be that kind of leader.

Evidence that shifts your identity, one decision at a time.

Repeated over time, this practice allows you to try on authentic behaviors and see how they fit. You can keep what you like, prune what you don’t, and continue to evolve your leadership identity.

Identity Drives Action (and vice versa)

Here's the thing about identity and action—they're bidirectional.

Your identity drives your actions. And your actions create your identity.

If you wait until you feel like "the kind of leader who gives tough feedback," you'll be waiting forever.

But if you act like that leader, if you have the tough conversation even though it's uncomfortable, you start to become that leader.

Your actions affirm your new identity.

Over time, the gap closes. The future identity becomes your current identity.

And then you're ready to continue your evolution.

Your Resume is a Trap

Most leaders think their value comes from their resume, their skills, their experience, and their track record.

And sure, those things matter. But they also trap you. Because when you lead from your resume, you keep doing what you've always done.

You stay in your comfort zone. You avoid the growth that makes you uncomfortable. This is like the stereotypical high-school sports star who continually relives his glory days and never moves forward.

The most effective leaders I work with don't lead from their resume.

They lead from their future.

They're constantly asking: Who do I need to become next?

And then they step into that identity before they're ready.

They don't wait for permission. They don't wait for the perfect skillset.

They embody the leader they're becoming, and they act accordingly.

The Wrap Up

You are not stuck being the leader you are today.

You can become the leader you need to be.

But it starts with a shift in identity, not a shift in skillset.

Stop leading from your resume. Stop leading from your comfort zone. Start leading from your future.

Ask yourself:

• Who is the leader I'm becoming?
• What does that leader do that I'm currently avoiding?
• How would that leader handle the situation in front of me right now?

Then step into that identity. Take the action. Build the evidence.

Your future identity matters more than your current skillset.

Because skills are trainable.

Identity is the thing that unlocks everything else.

Go crush it, friends.

Clark