The Lie that Sabotages Your Life

Books Referenced

Positive Intelligence - Shirzad Chamine

Mindset - Carol Dweck

Have you ever had that feeling that you’re a fraud? Or have you ever held yourself back from a big opportunity because a voice in your head whispered that you weren’t ready?

Why is it that sometimes we feel confident and capable to take on the world, and other times, we're completely held back by self-doubt?

Well, a lot of it comes down to a single, powerful lie. It’s a subtle lie you might not even realize you are telling yourself, but it could be the reason you’re not speaking up in meetings. The reason you are not doing more in your relationships. It may be the invisible wall stopping you from growing.

Today, we're going to talk about that lie, and the voice that speaks it. We’re going to understand it, we’re going to break it down, and I'm going to give you the exact tools you need to finally move past it.

So, let's dig in.

The Core of the Lie

I remember growing up as a kid being fearful. I was afraid of upsetting people, afraid of failing, afraid of being judged. I am a recovering people-pleaser, and I lived much of my life being worried about what other people thought. This fear came from a lie that I believed about myself. And it is a lie many people either currently believe or used to believe.

At its core, the lie is the simple thought: “I am not enough.” I am not good enough. I am not smart enough. I am not attractive enough. Fit enough. Strong enough. Skilled enough. You get the picture.

Now, this isn't just a fleeting moment of insecurity. For many of us, it’s a core belief. It’s a deep and quiet conviction that we are fundamentally lacking or flawed in some way.

Now, why do beliefs matter? It’s because our beliefs operate like programs in our minds. They serve as filters and shaders to create our experience.

For example, if we believe that people are generally good natured, then we will see goodness all around us. We will perceive someone’s good deed as a sign of their goodness and desire to help. If we believe that people are selfish, we will see selfishness. We will perceive that same good deed as a means for the selfish person to get what they want.

Our beliefs shape reality.

The belief of “I am not enough” operates like a faulty program in the background of your mind. It colors every decision you make, every risk you think about taking, and every relationship you build.

There is a voice in our minds which speaks this lie into our consciousness. This lying voice in our minds is the source of self-doubt, and it can become the soundtrack to our lives.

And the trickiest part? After you continually hear that voice for a while, you start to believe that voice is you. You think its criticisms are your own, its fears are rational, and its limitations are your reality.

This voice doesn’t just whisper some vague feeling of inadequacy. It feels like truth. It feels like reality, and it stops us in our tracks. This voice tells you not to share your idea in a meeting because, "They'll think it's stupid." It paralyzes you and says you aren’t ready to apply for a better job, even when you're perfectly qualified. It's the reason you might settle for something… or someone… less than you deserve, because the voice convinces you that you can’t do any better.

This inner critic of self-doubt is not a disease we catch, or an affliction, or a diagnosis. It is part of the human condition and comes with being an emotional being.

Everyone has this voice.

And it is based in fear.

The Anatomy of the Lie

Our brains are very good at detecting risks and threats.

We are so good at detecting risks and threats that our minds will create them out of nothing!

I remember needing to have a conversation with someone on my team at work, and I was afraid it was going to be difficult.

I kept thinking, “if I have this conversation, he’s going to blow up at me, he may cause a lot of drama on the team… I can’t talk to him!”

In this situation, I was uncertain about how our conversation would go and what the outcome would be. So, my mind filled in the gaps and created a worst-case-scenario outcome for me to think of.

Does this sound familiar?

Well, I had the conversation with him and guess what… and it went fine. There was no problem at all. And yet, my mind was preparing me for the worst possible outcome. My mind created fear when none was necessary.

A common fear among people is rejection and social isolation. Nobody wants to feel rejected. Nobody wants to be exiled from a social group. Even prisoners are put into solitary confinement as a punishment.

When we interact with others this fear voice is ready to keep us safe from social exile.

To ensure we don’t experience the worst possible outcome of social exile and rejection, our fear voice chimes in and tells us to play it safe. To NOT say what we want to say. To NOT step up.

It is not just the fear of social judgment that keeps us our fear voice on high alert. Any fear will suffice.

The fear voice goes by other names. Our fear voice IS our inner critic.

This inner critic judges us, sabotages us, and prevents us from stepping into the unknown, taking risks, and growing.

It is the voice of self-doubt. It is the voice that says “you are not enough.”

By having self-doubt, we never take risks. And by never taking risks, we never have to experience defeat, hurt, or failure.

And of course, if we never take risks we never grow.

Friends, self-doubt is one of the most expensive things we can own. It costs us opportunities, promotions, and the life we were meant to live.

It becomes a soundtrack to our lives, shielding us from perceived pain. And shielding us from becoming unstoppable.

But we can change the soundtrack. We can turn down the volume on that inner critic so we can finally hear our own voice, our true voice.

The fear voice feels like reality and the lie feels powerful, but it’s time to learn how to squash it.

The 3 Tools to Break Free

Tool 1: Name the Lie - The Art of Externalization

The first and most important step is to understand that the voice of self-doubt is not you.

It is an emotional reaction of fear that presents itself as a voice of reason.

It is not reason… it is emotion. It is a voice of emotion that conjures up the worst possible outcome and then tells you, “this is what WILL happen.”

But just remember, it’s a trick. The critic is a reaction to fear.

And one of the most powerful ways to create some distance from the critic is to give it a name.

I first learned about this in the book Positive Intelligence by Shirzad Chamine.

It is also an impactful technique used in Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy.

We give our internal critic, our saboteur, a name.

When you name your inner critic, you externalize it. It's no longer, “I am not good enough.” It becomes, “The Critic is telling me I’m not good enough.” Do you see the difference? That small shift in language creates a space between you and the thought. And in that space, you get to choose.

Think of it like a heckler in the crowd. This character has one job: to keep you small and "safe" inside your comfort zone. So give it a name. You can call it The Judge, The Saboteur, or even something goofy like “Nervous Nelly.”

By giving it a name, you take away its power. You’re no longer fighting with yourself; you’re just observing the predictable, and honestly, boring monologue of a character you know.

My inner-critic is named Craig.

I have no idea where that came from… and apologies to all the awesome Craig’s out there.

When I hear that inner critic say, “who are you to say that? No one is going to listen,” I just say, “shut up Craig. I’ll do what I want.”

You may notice your inner critic has some stories on repeat.

What are your inner critic's greatest hits? “You’re not good enough.” "You’re going to mess this up." "Everyone else has it all figured out." When you hear that voice, instead of taking it on, practice saying, “Ah, The Judge is back. Thanks for the input, Judge, but I’ve got this.”

What we are practicing here is really a form of mindfulness. It teaches you to observe your thoughts without getting tangled up in them.

You are not your thoughts. You are the awareness behind your thoughts. So, your first action step is this: take a moment and give your inner critic a name. The moment you define it, you begin to confine it.

After naming your inner critic, you can acknowledge its accusations and arguments, and you can be ready with counter arguments.

Tool 2: Remember your Trials - Become Your Own Hero

Okay, so now that you’ve named your inner critic, it's time to take it to task. The critic’s case against you is built on distorted thinking and emotional reasoning. NOT FACTs.

The critic tells you all kinds of things that you may believe but are just not true.

It reminds me of the hero’s journey and movies with that storyline. In the Rocky movies, for example, Rocky has to deal with both internal self-doubt and external doubt before rising to the challenge of his opponents. In the first Rocky movie, he doesn’t believe he can win… he just wants to go the distance. After he goes this distance in Rocky 1, he starts to believe he can beat Apollo Creed. And we see this journey in Rocky 2.

Every rocky movie, and every hero movie, has a training montage.

The hero trains, goes through trials, and suffers to improve. After digging deep and building themselves into something more, the hero comes back to fight their opponent.

You, my friends, have also had trials. You have had wins, successes, and positive experiences. Remember these experiences!

This is your next tool to break free from the inner critic. Every time your inner critic hits you with a negative belief, your job is to challenge it by calling forth factual evidence to the contrary. Your feelings of doubt are not data. Your fears are not data. You need the facts. You need to remember where you already have wins.

Here’s what to do: Grab a notebook and create a "Success Log." On one side, write down the accusation from your inner critic. For example: “I’m a terrible public speaker and I’m going to embarrass myself.” Consider your inner-critic greatest hits. What are the stories you tell yourself? What are the unhelpful beliefs you have? Make a list.

On the other side, you are documenting your heroic trials and successes. Work to list every experience that contradicts the critic’s story. No feelings allowed, just facts.

For the lie “I’m a terrible public speaker,” your success log might look like this:

• Succes 1: I presented my project update last month, and my manager said my points were clear.
• Success 2: In college, I got a B+ in a communications class that included three speeches.
• Success 3: My friend asked me to give a toast at their wedding because they said I’m good with words.
• Success 4: I’ve spent 10 hours preparing for this presentation and know the material inside and out.

Look at what this does. We are creating a log of wins based in reality. The critic's claim is vague and emotional. It is based out of irrational fear. The evidence you document is specific and grounded in reality.

This isn’t about empty positive thinking. It's about building a case for your competence based on the truth of your own history. Our brains have a natural negativity bias. We're wired to remember the one time we stumbled more than the ninety-nine times we didn't. Your success log is a deliberate tool to counteract that bias. When you list your successes, you're training your brain to see your positive reality and not your negative fears.

But what do you do if you don’t have a long list of successes?

Well, if you need more reps, it is time to take action.

Tool 3: Take Imperfect Action - The Confidence Paradox

The third and final tool is maybe the most counterintuitive. For years, the lie has told you that you need to feel confident before you can take action. "I'll apply for that job when I feel more qualified," or "I'll start that project when I feel more self-assured." This is the biggest trap of self-doubt.

Because confidence is not a prerequisite for action. Confidence is a byproduct of action.

You don’t get confident by thinking about doing the thing. You get confident by doing the thing, especially when it’s imperfect at first, and seeing that you survive.

As Carol Dweck talks about in her book Mindset, adopting a growth mindset is key here. It's the belief that you can improve, and you see challenges as opportunities to learn, not as a verdict on your ability.

Think about learning to swim. You can read every book on it, but you'll never be a confident swimmer until you get in the water. That first time will be clumsy. It will be imperfect. It will be scary. But you’ll learn you won’t sink. Your confidence is born from the accumulated evidence of you going swimming.

Your action step here is to take what I call “imperfect action.” Your goal isn't to be flawless. Your goal is simply to act. I want you to identify one small, low-stakes action that self-doubt has been stopping you from taking.

• If the lie is "No one will care about my creative work," your imperfect action is to post one photo or write one paragraph.
• If the lie is "I'm not good at networking," your imperfect action is to send one email asking for a 15-minute virtual coffee.
• If the lie is "I'm not fit enough for the gym," your imperfect action is to walk around the block for ten minutes.

Each tiny action is a vote for a new identity. It tells your brain, "I am the kind of person who acts despite fear." “I am the kind of person who can do the thing.”

Momentum is a powerful force. Small actions build on each other and create a chain reaction of real and earned confidence.

Sustaining Your Freedom

Alright friends, breaking free from this lie isn't a one-time event. It's a lifelong practice. These three tools are what you'll use every day. But to sustain that freedom, it helps to change the environment where the lie lives and thrives.

I am talking about your internal environment.

This starts with self-compassion. For years, your inner critic has been your inner monologue. The antidote is to consciously treat yourself with the kindness you'd offer a friend. When you face a setback, instead of letting The Judge say, “See? I told you you’d fail,” you can learn to say, “This is hard, and it’s okay to struggle. What can I learn from this?” Researcher Kristin Neff has done amazing work on this, and at its core, self-compassion is about acknowledging your humanity and giving yourself grace, which is a foundation for resilience.

So, how do we create clarity and sustain this?

First, curate your environment. Fill your social media feeds, the podcasts you listen to, and the books you read with empowering input.

Second, keep using your success Log. It’s a powerful way to document your growth. This isn’t a battle you win once. It’s a practice you live daily.

Also, adopt a habit of writing in the morning. Write your goals. Write what you are grateful for. Write reminders about your purpose and the path you are on.

The more you can immerse yourself in positive and affirming messages, the more aligned your behavior will be.

Third, get into a routine of reminding yourself of your goals and who you are striving to become. A mind that is focused on growth and goals is a mind less focused on fear and loss.

The Wrap Up

Friends, the lie that you are not enough has likely been in your head for a long time. But it's a ghost with no real power other than what you give it. And today, you've learned how to see it, how to challenge it, and how to build a life beyond its limits.

To be clear. You are enough. You can do this.

You have the tools: Name the inner critic to externalize it. Challenge its claims by listing your successes. And take small, imperfect actions to build real confidence.

You are not a fraud. You are a work in progress (as we all are), and you are far more capable than that voice has led you to believe.

Thanks for being here everybody, until next time.

Clark